6 Things I'm Thankful For (Post 5)

25. Christmas

To begin with I should say that I'm not a huge fan of Christmas celebrating. No one freak out on me and don't stop reading! What I mean by this is I don't particularly like the exaggeration some people put on it. I know this is a very important, big, special holiday for a lot of people. I also know many of you love decorating, watching Christmas movies, and just getting in the all around "Christmas Spirit". So for those of you who are those people please hear me out. I'm not a Christmas hater. I'm a very matter of fact type of person. I believe Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. I know you can still focus on that while watching movies and decorating your home; however, for me I don't like getting caught up in all that. I know you are all probably thinking, "I thought you were thankful for Christmas??" And I am! I'm thankful because of the real reason we should all celebrate. I'm thankful that our Lord and Savior was born, so that he could later die on the cross for every single one of us. So, as we get closer to Christmas I challenge you all not to get caught up in all the worldly attributes of Christmas. Sit down, and really appreciate why we celebrate this holiday.

26. You!
I am thankful for every single person that open this post! I love all the positive feedback I get from you all, and it really encourages me to keep going. I have loved doing this blog, and a lot of the reason is because of you!

27. Memories
Memories aren't always a good thing, but either way I'm thankful for them. I have plenty of both good and bad. For example, I lost my grandfather at the beginning of this year. The memories I have of him the last couple months aren't all that great. He wasn't himself, and it was a very sad time. I loved him so so so much. But when I get to missing him I don't think of those last couple months. I think of the years and years of great times I had with him. I always loved going to my grandparents pond and fishing with him. However, one of my favorite memories with him is how I would always brag about being his favorite The best part though was he would always agree. All that being said I'm grateful for memories like that. I'm grateful for memories of times with my friends, other family members, playing softball, and so many other things.
Looking back on those things make my heart happy. Another challenge I give you all is to enjoy your time with those you love. Enjoy what you are doing in your life. We all want to look back on our life and have more good memories than bad ones. Make that happen.

28. Breaks
It is almost time for Christmas break!!!! That means I get a whole month off!!!! Yes, I will still have to go to work (some of the time, I will be playing some hooky), but I don't have any school for a whole month. I'm so excited. Who isn't thankful for those times we get to relax and sleep a lot?

29. Forgiveness
I could go on and on about what forgiveness means to me. One day I will probably write a post about it, but today I just want to say a few things. I have done my share of stupid things, and I have been to the point where I thought no one would ever forgive me. I have also been where I was full of anger and bitterness, and thought it was impossible to forgive someone for what they did to me. During these times; however, I think back to what God did for me. God told me he would always forgive me if I repented and asked for his forgiveness. Remembering that keeps me going. It also helps me realize if the Lord himself will forgive me for my stupid decisions, then who am I to not forgive someone else for their's? I'm thankful God shows me this. My life verse goes along with this:

Matthew 6:14-15 

(14) For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (15) But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

30. Chocolate
I'm ending my thankful posts with one of the best things ever! CHOCOLATE!! I love it in every shape, form, and fashion. Who's with me?!?

6 Things I'm Thankful For (Post 4)

19. Mail
I absolutely love getting mail. I think its extremely thoughtful. To me, it's not just a card, a picture, or a piece of paper. To me, it shows that someone went out of their way to think of me, and they wanted to let me know they were thinking of me. I think it is a very kind act, and I appreciate everyone that sends me mail. The reason I chose this thankful though, is because today I received a piece of mail from my 8 year old cousin, Zechariah. He drew me a beautiful picture and wrote me a very sweet note on the back. It's little things like that that make people happy. So I encourage all of you to send someone a piece of mail today.

20. Fuzzy Socks
I don't think I need to elaborate on this one. Who doesn't love fuzzy socks?!?

21. Support
I have always been so grateful to be surrounded by such an amazing support system. No matter what I'm going through or what dilemma I'm facing at the time, I have so many people around me who encourage and advise me on what to do. I'm even thankful for those people who support me in the way of telling me I'm being an idiot (mom). It's really comforting knowing that no matter what obstacle comes my way I never have to face it alone.

22. Mac and Cheese
MACARONI AND CHEESE IS THE BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!! Seriously though my favorite thing to do is curl up on the couch with a fresh bowl of steaming hot mac and cheese. I may or may not be eating some this very instant as I write this post. . .

23. Veterinarians 
This past week I had to take both my babies to the vet for different reasons. I'm very thankful there are people who are specialized in taking care of my fur babies. Also, I know my dogs are very happy I don't try to doctor all their needs, and I let the professionals take care of them.



24. Right to Bear Arms
I have grown up around guns my entire life. My family goes shooting for fun, and my dad has always been big on keeping them in the house for protection. I have never felt scared around guns, and my dad has always made sure I know how to handle one when it's in my hands. I strongly believe Americans should have the right to protect themselves, and that's exactly what I plan to do. A couple weeks ago I got my pistol carry permit, and it feels quite comforting. This thankful is for many things. First of all, I'm thankful I was raised knowing what a gun is and how to use one properly. Secondly, I'm thankful no one in my family has had to use one to protect themselves against someone. And thirdly, I'm thankful to be able to protect myself with one. I'm thankful that our country allows this protection, and I hope it stays that way.

6 Things I'm Thankful For (Post 3)

13. AC, But Mainly Heating

I am very thankful for my AC when it is hot outside, but more than anything I am thankful for my heater anytime it is below 70 degrees. I can't stand to be cold AT ALL! Last week my heat wasn't working for some reason, and it was 62 degrees for several days. I was about to lose it. Luckily, there was nothing majorly wrong with the system, and it was fixed very quickly. Now I can enjoy my lovely 78 degree home. Yes, I know many of you think I'm crazy for keeping it that high, but seriously being cold is absolutely miserable to me! Thank you heater!!

14. Understanding

Having people in my life that understand me and accept me is one of the most important things to me. So for those of you who have been able to do that, thank you. I know it's not easy for everyone to do, and that's ok. I'm not trying to please everyone, but I really love the people who love me.

15. Commitment

Being loyal is another important thing to me. If you are in a relationship with someone (not just intimate one, friends and other relationships as well) and they are not loyal to you then GET OUT! Being around people who keep their commitments and don't make promises they can't keep is one thing that makes healthy relationships. I understand there are always exceptions to backing out of something you committed to, but those people in my life who try to always do as they say mean a lot to me. Thank you for being those people.

16. Warm Weather

Ok, ok, ok I know many of you love this cold, snowy weather that is coming upon on us, but I HATE IT! Like I said above, being cold is like the worst thing ever for me. Sumer and Spring I miss you terribly. I know you will be here someday soon, but while you are gone remember you are always in my thoughts. I miss your sunshine, warm rays, and pretty flowers. I look forward to the days that we are together again.

17. Giving

It is officially the time of giving, and we all need to remember that. I'm thankful for giving because just seeing the smile and the effects it has on people makes me a happier person. By being able to help someone out it doesn't just benefit them it benefits us all. I know for me seeing the happiness in someone else is a wonderful gift in return. That gift is what I'm thankful for.

18. Hugs

So those who know me know I'm not the biggest hugger (read my blog post about being an introvert). But I really do love hugs. Yes, I know that doesn't really make sense. What I mean is I may not always hug back and I may not always want your hug, but those moments that the people I love ignore my wants and hug me anyway are some of the best. I want those people, who I sometimes tend to hurt unintentionally through my actions of not hugging, to know I am thankful for those hugs anyway. Those hugs are the best hugs and they show me that you don't care if I want it, you know it's what I need. And I promise I'll try to become a better hugger for you. 

6 Things I'm Thankful For (Post 2)

                                      7. My Dogs

I know people probably get very tired of me talking about how much I love my dogs, but they honestly mean the world to me. For those of you who are dog owners you probably know exactly how I feel (or close to it). Ashton and Lady make life perfect because they have to do the things no one else wants to do, and they can't tell me no. They get to listen to my problems, get tons of kisses and hugs, get screamed at when I'm in a bad mood, get dressed up in clothes, go walking with me, go for rides in the car, and so much more. But the best part is THEY NEVER COMPLAIN! They only ever show me love and affection, and they even get mad when I don't pay attention to them. Basically, they are the best creatures in the whole world. Life wouldn't be the same without them.



8. My Car

This "thankful" may not seem very big or important, but I am very blessed to be able to have a way of transportation to be able to go wherever and whenever I want. I understand many people don't have this blessing and that is precisely the reason it means so much to me. It may not be the best or the newest vehicle around, but it get me to and from where I need to go and for that I am grateful.

9. My Health

Overall, I am an extremely healthy person. And once again I know not everyone can say that. I get colds, I could break my arm, my back hurts a lot, sometimes I get foot cramps, but there is nothing deathly wrong with me. No matter what happens to me I will most likely heal from it. God has blessed me with a healthy body, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

10. My Independence

This one is a big one for me. I'm not just talking about being able to live in a free country and have independence, (yes that is very important to me, and I am thankful for that) but I am also thankful for my independence in the sense that I can physically do whatever the heck I want. So many people are dependent on wheelchairs, crutches, service dogs, other people, and many other things, and I'm glad that I'm not. Do not misunderstand me though, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with people who are dependent on those things. I am just thankful that I am not.

11. My Bed

There isn't much more to say here. I'm just very, very, very glad I have somewhere to lay my head at night. Plus it's very comfortable.

12. My Family

In the last post I talked about how I am thankful for my parents. My parents aren't the only family I have that has made me extremely grateful. I have aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins who have all loved me and done so much for me the past 18 years of my life. I am so blessed to be apart of a family who enjoys doing things together, and am even more blessed that we all live close together.

 I will forever have memories of playing with my cousins, spending the night at my Grandma's house on Christmas day, fishing with my Papa Ken, having my Paw Paw tell me wise words of wisdom and take me hunting, watching the Price is Right with my Maw Maw, and so many other things. My family is seriously the best.

6 Things I'm Thankful For (Post 1)

Since it's the month of thanks, and since we sometimes forget to share the things we are thankful for, I wanted to take the time do so. I encourage you to as well. I'm going to spend 5 weeks doing this, and each week I will name 6 things I am thankful for (30 days in November). Here we go. . .


1. God
Some of you may think "Yeah, yeah she had to get God in there. This will be the typical thankfulness blog". And you know what you're absolutely right. God has done so much for me. From dying on the cross for my sins, to comforting me while I cry myself to sleep, to providing for me, to blessing me with a healthy life, to so much more that I will never be able to thank him for near as much as he deserves. If it wasn't for God I wouldn't be here; it's that simple. So yes, this is quite the typical thanks to God, but he deserves it, and so much more. We get so wrapped up in our busy lives and forget to take the time to do this simple act. Every day it amazes me that God will always love me. I never feel like I completely deserve it, but he always pours it over me. And for that I am forever grateful and for that I will always love and adore him.



2. Parents
My parents and I have been on quite the journey together. They have loved me through the tantrums I threw as a child, the drama I caused as a teen, and the many many times I have asked for money. My parents drive me absolutely insane. Especially my mom (sorry mom I know you will read this, but you know it's true). I won't be able to ever understand why they have put up with me until I have a child of my own, but the fact that they have is why I am so thankful. We scream and fight with each other, on a daily basis, but somehow you still tell me you love me and you still will do anything for me.

I don't understand why you do things the way you do, but I always know you do them because you think it's best. I know you always have my best interest at heart. Thank you for being the 2 people that I will always be able to rely on to do that. Even when I'm old and married and have children of my own I know no one will ever care for me the way y'all do. Thank you.



3. Josh (My older brother)
Good ole Josh. You are probably too busy having fun doing goodness knows what to read this, but here is why I am thankful for you. You have made me cry, countless times, but through those tears you have taught me how to stand up for myself. You give the best hugs ever, even when I force them on you. Even though sometimes you want to pretend you won't, I know you would protect me against anyone and anything. You are a good listener. You showed me how to be a good driver by being a terrible one. You are the wildest spirit I have ever known, and that tells me that life can be fun. You are the best big brother I could ever ask for.


4. Friends
First of all if you're my friend you deserve an award. I know I'm extremely hard to deal with, and for that reason I have gone through many many many friends. So this is for those few who have stuck around over the years. Thank you for seeing the best in me. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for loving me through the hard times. Thank you for spending time with me. Thank you for listening to all my problems. Thank you for just being there.
One friend who deserves a special thanks is my roommate. You are the first person besides my family to ever live with me. You are basically my family now. You have shown me many new things in life, and you have really tested my patience. You are the person I see every day. You let me borrow your clothes. You put up with my weird habits and my annoying complaining. But most importantly you haven't killed me yet. We get in arguments, and we don't always like each other, but just know I will always be thankful for you.



5. Education
The school I graduated from will forever hold a special place in my heart. The teachers, staff, and classmates there showered me with love and treated me as family. During my time there I had countless people pray with me and pray over me many times. I now have lasting relationships with not only classmates, but teachers as well who I love dearly. I will never forget the kind words and prays I received after losing my grandfather, being hospitalized, or just after having a bad day. Day after day I was amazed by the power of God in that school. I am beyond thankful I was able to attend and leave with amazing memories and amazing relationships.


6. UAH 
This one isn't going to be long or very deep, but I am so glad and so thankful I am able to attend a university in my hometown. Even though (like I said above) my parents drive me crazy I enjoy being able to grab dinner, or run by the house to say hi every now and then. I am very thankful that I know where everything is in town, and I am not in some foreign place I know no one or know nothing about. UAH has been a great school and a great fit for me.

Hard To Love

The whole reason I wanted to start this blog, and my main goal in life is to listen to peoples' stories. I want people to hear my stories, and I want to inspire people to share their's. I truly believe everyone deserves to be heard, and I can't stand when people begin to make assumptions about others, especially about me, when they have no idea what that person has been through or why they are the way they are. Everyone is different, and we have no right to judge someone because they are different than us. You may be thinking someone is so strange for doing something a certain way, but you know what, they are probably thinking the same thing about you. We have to learn to deal with, understand, and accept people for who they are. God didn't intend for everyone to have the same personality.

All that being said I would like to focus on the introverts of the world. We (yes, in case you are completely clueless, or you do not know me I am an introvert) are so misunderstood and many times looked down on. I hope after reading this you understand and accept us a little bit better.

To get a definition and a little sense of what an introvert actually is, here is what Urban Dictionary has to say about them:

"A person who is energized by spending time alone. . . Contrary to popular belief, not all introverts are shy. Some may have great social lives and love talking to their friends but just need some time to be alone to "recharge" afterwards. The word "Introvert" has negative connotations that need to be destroyed. Introverts are simply misunderstood because the majority of the population consists of extroverts."

As an introvert I have been misunderstood by many people and that's the main reason I wanted to do this post. My friends, and even my family, don't quite understand my personality at times. Introverts can come across as push offish or even flat out mean. However, just because we don't want to come in the room and say hi to everyone or start chatting away about our day that doesn't mean those things. It simply means we are an introvert, and we need alone time. We need quiet. We need solitude. But just because we need those things it doesn't mean we hate people. 

We enjoy spending time with those we love, but only for so long. It physically and emotionally takes a lot out of us and we have to be able to recharge after a certain length of time. We tend to not make friends as easily or as quickly as extroverts do, but thats because we put a lot of time and effort into it. We don't want to be friends with just anyone. We want our friends to understand how much we love and care for them. We want to get to know someone truly and fully before allowing them into our lives. And if you are lucky enough to become one of those people we pray we don't scare you off with our different personality traits. I titled this post "Hard To Love" because people tend to run away from us. We can seem difficult to deal with, so many just rather not. I want people, including myself, to realize others are different, but we all need love and to show love. Sometimes we just do it in different ways. Extroverts are fun, energetic people, and without them in the world things would get boring. However, without the introverts things could get out of hand. Luckily God made everyone a little different. As an introvert it can be hard for me to understand why people like being loud and go out all the time. I enjoy spending my time at home alone, not because I am depressed or lonely but because it's calming and I enjoy it. So for someone not to be like that is foreign to me, so I completely understand why people think its insane to do what I like to do. All I hope is for people to understand that it is ok that people don't do the same things as you. It's ok I don't like going out, and it's ok that you do. It's ok I like being quiet, and it's ok you enjoy talking. 

I saw this cartoon one day, and I just thought how perfectly it explained my life. This is the perfect guide to how to deal with my kind. I wanted to add my thoughts on it as well though.

Introverts live with a constant bubble around them. The key to dealing with that is respecting it.

This post isn't meant to say extroverts are evil. Extroverts are great people, but they are VERY different than introverts. However, it literally can terrify us when extroverts push their personalities onto us.

9/10 times we will not start the conversation. We enjoy talking at times, but we also don't enjoy pointless talking. 

Like I said above, we love people just give us time.

Give, Save, Spend

I know a majority of you have heard these 3 words and probably even know who they came from. I have grown up my whole life hearing them over, and over, and OVER. Good ole Darryl (my father) raised my brother and me on these words. These words are the reason I was able to pay for half of my first vehicle at 15. These words are why almost every Christmas I am able to give a child who is less fortunate than me a Christmas present. These words are the reason I already have a retirement fund set up at 18, and one day will hopefully be able to support my future family. The words are why my parents have been so able to give my brother and me a financially stable life. The words are why I am able to attend college without loans and debt. None of what I say in this blog post is to brag or boast about money, but to share why these words are so important to me, and why I hope you will find them important to you as well.

Well if you don't know who these words come from it's Dave Ramsey. My dad is crazy about the man. He is a very strong believer in saving money, and in general handling money wisely. Growing up my dad would give my brother and me a monthly chore sheet. This sheet had items on it like make the bed, clean the dishes, take the trash out, wash the parents' cars, mop the floors, etc. Each chore was not mandatory. However, if we did a chore we put a check mark next to it and the day we did it. Each chore was worth a different amount of money. Making our bed would have been like $0.50. Then washing our parents' cars would be like $10. Every month my goal was to get more money than my brother. I am a very competitive person. At the end of the month my dad would add everything up and give us the money we earned. It didn't stop there though. We couldn't simply take all the money and go have fun with it. That would be way too easy. We each had 3 envelopes labeled GIVE, SAVE, and SPEND. My dad instructed us to put at least 10% of our earnings into give, for our tithes. Our give could also be used for something like I mentioned above, supplying a child with a christmas present. Then we put at least 15% into our save. Every so often my dad would take our save and put it into the bank for later use. This money was for saving up for our first car or any other big item we couldn't buy right away. The rest of our money we could put into spend, and we could use this any time we pleased. We did this for years. Eventually we stopped with the chore sheets as we got older. The money we separate out now is from holidays or the jobs we have. No matter what though, if we get money we always separate it out.

Growing up this way got on my nerves a lot of times. If I earned $30 I didn't want to only end up being able to spend at max $22.50. I felt like if I earned the whole $30 I should get the whole $30. As I got older though I have realized the importance of this method. Although part of this method was because my dad wanted what was best for us and wanted us financially secure, but doing this has so much more meaning as well.

In the Old Testament God tells us to tithe, to give him 10% of everything we earn. Then in the New Testament Jesus instructs us to give as much as we are able, and that's exactly what my father was teaching us. Giving doesn't just mean with money. We are to give our time; to the church, to the needy, to our loved ones. My father wanted us to realize everything we receive ultimately comes from God, and God just trusts us to be good stewards with it. He wanted us to realize even if we are the poorest of poor or the richest of riches we owe something to God. Nothing is possible without him.

By saving money I began feeling accomplished. I was able to see my hard work unfold before my eyes. My parents told my brother and me we could have any car we wanted; if we could afford half of it. Whatever money we decided we could spend on a car our parents would match it. At 15 I was able to do this, and I felt on top of the world. There is so much joy in getting something you worked hard for, and that was my dads point. He didn't tell us we had to save money just because he didn't want us to go broke. He did it to teach us when we work hard and we are diligent about something we get rewarded. That could be in money, academics, working, etc. He has never wanted us to be people who get handed everything. It has always been important to him that we are independent, strong, hardworking, and able to support ourselves. Now these things are very important to me, and I hope one day to pass them onto my children.

It is always important to not get wrapped up in the worldly view of money. Money is not everything. Money doesn't bring you happiness. Yes, money is very important in life, but it is not everything. If you have the mindset of becoming the richest man alive and doing anything and everything possible to get there, you will fail. Ultimately my father wanted to teach us how to be rich in happiness, successfulness, helpfulness, obedience, and so much more. And by following these 3 words that was all possible. It's not just about the money; it's about learning from the money.

A Letter To Moms, But Mainly Mine

To all the
Boo Boo Kissers
Late Night Talkers
Best Friends
Advisors
Rule Makers
Cooks
Secret Keepers
Heroes
Silly Face Masters
Grounders
Encouragers
Joke Tellers
Lullaby Singers
Teachers
Monster Killers
Piggy Back Givers
Huggers

Counselors
     Wonderful Mothers,

You should know you are loved; it's not shown near as often as it should be. You should know you are beautiful; you are not told as much as you deserve. You should know you are not a failure; you have succeeded in so much. You should know you are a wonderful friend, and you keep the best secrets. You should know I'm sorry for my mistakes; I promise I'm trying. You should know you'll never be alone; even if everyone else leaves I will not. You should know you are not always nice, but it's okay. You should know I will always love you; no matter what.

Mothers deserve to hear these things. You have dealt with so much. You have stayed up countless nights consoling your children. You have kissed bloody knees, wiped snotty noses, changed poopy diapers. You have been a shoulder to cry on. You have helped support your family. You have held me when I have been tired and upset. You have taught me the most important aspects of life. You have told me people are hard to deal with and showed me how to do it. You let me know that everyone makes mistakes; even you. You have loved me when no one else did.

Even at the most fragile points in our relationship I have still loved you. I may have told you I didn't, but I did. You are the best listener. I love our talks. I hate your advice at times. I'm not admitting to it being right, especially on this public blog for everyone to see. I love your hugs. I may not always hug back, but on the inside I am. Thank you for supporting me in doing the things I love. Thank you for telling me I'm stupid when I want to do something absurd. Thank you for listening to me rant on and on about everything that has ever annoyed me. Thank you for letting me cry, and thank you for telling me to suck it up. Thank you for giving me everything I could ever need. Thank you for the slobbery kisses that I hate. Thank you for everything, mom. You will always be my number one fan. You will always be my role model. I may not always act like I appreciate you and I may not tell you I love you enough, but always know I do appreciate you and I will always love you.

With all my heart,
Your Daughter

Rhabdo: It's Just An Obstacle

First visit my sweet boyfriend thought it would
be a great idea to bring me an Ariel sized Ariel balloon.

First off I guess I should tell you what Rhabdomyolysis (Rhabdo) is.

Definition Rhabdomyolysis- rhab·do·my·ol·y·sis (rab'dō-mī-ol'i-sis)

An acute, fulminating, potentially fatal disease of skeletal muscle that entails destruction of muscle, as evidenced by myoglobinemia and myoglobinuria.

Ok, yes I know that probably makes no sense to you, but I will explain in simpler terms. First, I have to start at the beginning. Starting around January of this year my mom and I decided we would hit the gym hard to try to get in shape. We were even sticking to a great meal plan, and I had started feeling amazing. And so did she. We had a personal trainer that we met with 2 times a week, and she was awesome! She really encouraged us, (and pushed us to the point of tears sometimes) but we felt like we were really accomplishing a lot. In April we attended a session on a Thursday, and when I woke up Friday morning I could not straighten my arms. Along with that they hurt worse than any normal soreness pain should. They also started swelling, so I literally got swole from that workout lol. Of course my mom, being the amazing woman she is, laughed at me. She thought if a 47 year old woman could do the workout and not be sore the next day then an 18 year old shouldn't either. DUH! By Saturday everyone was tired of hearing me complain, so they decided to do the normal thing and google my symptoms. Y'all can't tell me you've never done that. Anyway, Rhabdomyolysis popped up, and I had almost all the symptoms. My parents immediately freaked out because they read that it can be fatal if not treated right away. The next morning, they finally decided to take me to the ER. At first none of the doctors wanted to believe this was possible. The ER doctor had never seen it but one other time, and at my age and stature he couldn't believe it was possible.

Your CPK is the enzyme that leaks into your body when your muscles are damaged. The average count that should be in your body at any given time is around 100. When I was in the ER the doctors drew my blood, and the results that came back said my CPK count was at a baffling 64,000. I indeed had Rhabdomyolysis. I was then admitted and proceeded to stay in the hospital for 5 days while IV after IV was pumped into me to flush my body out. I was extremely lucky and had no kidney damage at all. My doctor told me after 6-8 weeks off I should be able to return back to the gym, and everything would be back to normal.

8 weeks later I was thrilled to be back doing what I had grown to love. It was always a great bonding time with my mom, and it made me feel all around fantastic. My trainer was aware of my condition and made sure not to make the workout too difficult, but we also thought since we waited the time that everything should be okay. After the third session, I woke up the next morning again with the same symptoms as before. I was terrified at first because I just couldn't believe this was happening all over again. Then I became extremely angry because the doctors had promised nothing was going to be wrong. I am a normal teenager; I should be able to physically do whatever I want. We went to the hospital a day sooner than we did the first time, so my CPK levels were much lower (still extremely abnormal) with a count of 27,000. I spent another 5 days in the hospital with this round as well. The doctors were confused with why I was facing this insane condition a second time. The hospitalist deciding to send me to a neurologist in our hometown when I got out. The neurologist gave me one option, which might or might not supply answers to my condition. I could do a painful procedure (muscle biopsy) that MIGHT tell me I have an enzyme deficiency that I could do absolutely nothing about. If this was to be the case than I could only walk and ride a bike without exerting myself for the rest of my life. No gym. No tubing at the lake. No backyard baseball. Absolutely nothing that might over exert my muscles and send me into another rhabdo episode. When I heard this news I was devastated. I love being active and just having fun being young. The worst part was knowing I could have something wrong with me, and there be absolutely nothing I could do about it. I am a control freak. I can't stand not being organized and having everything planned out just the way I want it. This was a big fat ugly black spot in the middle of my perfectly white and clean scheduled life. At least thats how I felt. 

Second visit I was able to celebrate
the 4th of July thanks to friends and family!

Rhabdo isn't the end of the world. Rhabdo didn't kill me. Rhabdo is simply an obstacle life threw at me that I have to work through. I am so extremely blessed. I am overall a very healthy teenager. I have an amazing support system. I am still able to attend college, have a job, make friends, be in a relationship, and do so many other things that some people can't do. I am not dying. I am not in horrible pain every day of my life. I am not throwing up sick from chemo treatments. I simply have to know my limits and not push myself over them. Yes, this means I can't do everything I love, but thats ok. It is important, no matter your circumstance, to realize there is most likely always someone out there that has it worse than you. It is important to help those people, and to pray for those people. It isn't all about me. I have to put my selfish desires aside and realize that I have it made still. Like I've said before, things can get hard but you just have to get through those things to get to the happiness. I have been able to find other things that make me happy. I love staying fit by occasionally doing (easy) yoga, walking my dogs, and (trying to) eat healthy and drink yummy smoothies. Its easy to focus on what I can't do anymore. I have to remember to realize what I can still do. Someone else may not be able to do yoga, eat whatever they want, or walk their dog. 

Being Like Ashton- The Happiest Dog Alive

Ashton is my crazy, loving, enthusiastic, cuddly, wonderful puppy. She is a Weimaraner and just turned 1 in July. She has an abundance of energy (that I hope decreases with age). She starts her mornings by sitting at my bed around 6:30 and crying until I get up with her. She also loves throwing ALL of her toys all over the house, playing fetch, and digging holes all over my backyard. My other dog, Lady, is almost 11, and they are inseparable (according to Ashton). Ashton can't stand being away from her for more than a minute, and she cries every time they get separated. Ashton is the best cuddle buddy, most annoying pest when trying to do something important, and has the meanest bark for such a kind dog. All those things though are the exact reason I love her so much.

Now that I have introduced you to the "happiest dog alive" let me get to what this post is really about. I know I talked about  happiness in my last post but I want to go back to it one more time. I'm doing this because happiness is something I've always struggled with. I want to share a struggle with you that I deal with and how Ashton's personality has showed me how to learn to get past it. I know your struggles aren't the same as mine. So just plug in your struggle, and she should still be able to help in the same way. 

I have never been the person that is full of energy and enthusiasm, or that always has a smile on their face. I tend to be sarcastic and push the people I love the most away from me. One of my biggest fears is people coming into my life only to leave it. I tend to push them away before they have the chance to leave. I know that people coming and going is a part of life, but it's still not easy. 

It hurts when you make friends and something happens that causes them to exit your life. It can hurt even more when people from your family leave your life. Sometimes you get into fights, sometimes people have to move away, and sometimes people even leave this life forever. I have had an the unfortunate opportunity to experience all of those scenarios. It's never easy; no matter how many times it happens. I focus on this negative aspect of life and end up missing out on so much joy. Ok, I know you are all wondering where does a dog tie into all this. Well after spending this past year with my wonderful Ashton I have learned you can find happiness in some of the simplest things. Ashton gets the most excited when she hears the ice machine, plays fetch, sees someone familiar, goes for car rides, and gets her ears rubbed. Why can't we as humans be content with things like that? Yes, I know we don't exactly do those things for fun, but I'm talking about the little things in general. It usually takes a vacation, a new car, a baby being born, or some other grand event for us to even catch a glimpse of happiness. We need to take a step back. We need to realize it's not that difficult.

For me I have to learn to not worry about the people who leave. I have to learn to enjoy the ones that are here. I don't know your struggles. You might have a hard time with change, a horrible boss, a painful memory you can't escape, or a million other things. The point is that we must try to be like Ashton. Be simple. Be content. Realize there is so much more in life to be happy about, like simply chasing a ball around the backyard or cuddling with someone you love. Change can be good, and you will never know if you don't take a leap of faith. That horrible boss is honestly probably dealing with a ton of his own struggles and just needs help. Memories are in the past. It's hard, but you have to let things go. You have to pray for a better future and not worry about the past. Stop letting your struggles hold you back. Learn to find happiness in the small moments of life again. Don't give up. The happiness is out there waiting for you to find it. You just have to try.

These are all some of my favorite pictures of Ashton that make me laugh (bring me happiness). 

I hope they do the same thing for you.

I'm A Freshman!!!

I am officially a college freshman! Technically I started classes this summer by doing a mini-mester in July, but now I can say it is really happening. I decided to stay in my hometown to attend college, and I can honestly say I believe it was the best decision ever. I was able to move into my own house with my best friend Annie and two dogs, Lady and Ashton, and these past few months have been great! At first deciding to stay "at home" was not really that exciting, especially when all your friends are going off to the big SEC colleges. After a while though I realized that it wasn't about where I went; it is about making new friends, learning new things, and finding true happiness. And I believe that is exactly what I am doing. By starting this summer I was able to make some great new friends who I already love being around. By going to a smaller college I'm able to walk around campus and see several familiar faces which is one of my favorite things. When it comes to the learning part, how do you not do that when you're at college?? Some things I don't necessarily want to learn, like trying to find the average rate of change of a function, but when it comes to learning how to become a successful student and business person those come in handy. Happiness can be difficult at times. Sometimes it feels like everything around you is against you. Sometimes you get news you don't really want to hear. Sometimes people leave your life, temporarily and permanently. Sometimes you fight with your parents. Even worse, sometimes you fight with your roommate. Sometimes you fail a test. Sometimes your favorite mug breaks. Sometimes life just happens. The key to happiness though is getting through those times. It can be hard, but it's totally worth it. Overall I'm extremely excited and a little nervous about this new phase of my life. I can't wait to make more friends, learn more things, and find more happiness.